Oh man. The past month has been an awful one for me. Some of you may or may not have noticed I barely popped up on Instagram or Twitter over December and the start of January, and the reason is I was literally having the worlds shittest time. I’ve missed blogging and taking photos so much, but I’ve had absolutely no willpower to do anything.
I do usually find the Christmas/New Year period quite stressful in general, with all the pressure and the amount of events that go on, but this year it just seemed to be SO much worse and my anxiety totally got the better of me.
In early December I got some awful stomach virus which pretty much KO’d me for a week or so. I didn’t leave the bed or sofa, barely ate anything and practically turned into a potato. Sure, nobody likes being ill, but a lot of my anxiety seems to stem from being unwell or feeling sick, so it wasn’t ideal. Little did I know at the time that this ‘virus’ was going to last over a month (and to be honest, it still hasn’t gone). I’ve spent the last month waking up praying that I’ll have an okay, non-sick day and I’ve felt some sort of panic or anxiety almost every day.
I’ve been feeling guilty for missing a few days of work due to illness, I felt guilty for missing Christmas events in the run up to the big day, I felt isolated because I just saw nobody. I had no idea that one crappy little virus was going to make me feel so incredibly shit.
Christmas was okay, but still pretty terrible. I mean, there’s nothing worse than not being able to eat a full Christmas dinner, is there? My birthday is two days after Christmas too and I spent the entire day indoors just relaxing because the idea of going out and doing anything filled me with such dread.
As we’ve gone into the New Year I’ve improved a little, but the anxiety that December caused me seems to still be sticking with me. I’m SO glad all the festivities are over with because I love nothing more than routine and everything being back to normal. I still feel unmotivated to do a lot of things, even hanging up the washing seems to be a task for me (but lets be honest who likes doing that anyway). I seriously am counting down the days until spring and can’t wait for it to be warmer and lighter. Who knows if I suffer with this whole SAD business, but I reckon I probably do – the dark mornings and evenings make me so tired and as much as I love snuggling down in the evenings with candles and a blanket, I seriously hate winter.
All I wanted to get across in this post was A) hello, I’m still here, B) I’ve had a shit month, if you want to send me cute cat photos that would be nice, and C) you’re not alone if you hate this time of year. I know so many people who have heightened anxiety throughout winter and the festive period, and to be honest I want just one person to read this and know they’re not alone.
For the next few weeks I’m going to seriously look after myself and stop feeling so guilty about missing out on things. I don’t want to feel guilty about having a lie-in on Saturday morning, or by skipping the washing up for a night (or 3). To be honest I think I need to just focus on me for a bit. I really want to find the motivation to get back into social media, because I truly do find it a fun outlet to express my creativity (and recently I’ve been non-existent in that world). It was so fun to shoot some new outfit pics with some pieces I received for Christmas!
Jumper – Urban Outfitters (sold out but find similar here)
Pinafore – Urban Outfitters
Bag – M&S
Shoes – Faith @ Debenhams
Accessories – ASOS (part of a cute new set!)
I hope to see a lot more of you all soon, and sorry I haven’t posted yet this year (oops) – but bare with me while I relax and let my body recuperate!
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